maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
