okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
