The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
