The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
