Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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