I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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