FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
