Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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