Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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