you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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