god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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