I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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