he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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