I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
