We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Even my vagina gasped.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
