I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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