i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
