I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
