Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
