marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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