I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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