we're blogging at a bar
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
