The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Randomize
