Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
