it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
