You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
