And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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