Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
