So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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