i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
