Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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