I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
