people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
