i will never coherently bang her
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
