so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
