i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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