I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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