There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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