the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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