your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
