Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I skipped work to stalk him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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