I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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