dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
