no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You took a bar mat shot.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
