please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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