i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize