I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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