Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
please come you make the beer taste better
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
