dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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