Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
