My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
