um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
