I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
