Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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