im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
