You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize