Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
