i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
