I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
