I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
