i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
