So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
are you so shy because you have an std?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He passed out mid-signature
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize