Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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