Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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