i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
