I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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