my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
