ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
