the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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