Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
