my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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