I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize