apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
