Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize