Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
