I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
